People always say: “Not everyone is gonna like you, and that’s ok, nothing to take personally, it doesn’t matter” yet it still sucks. It sucks when it’s your teacher, it sucks when it’s your boss or co-worker or family member. It even sucks when it’s a friends friend or someone we barely know. It hurts. And you do not have to gaslight yourself into thinking that it doesn’t hurt when it does. You’re allowed to be upset when life is hard. You’re allowed to feel an emotion, even more when it makes perfect logical sense. We talk to a friend about our feelings, journal, reflect, use coping skills. We find peace after a while, that’s a more realistic solution. You got this. It will be ok.
Sometimes self-care is, actually, NOT getting onto the computer and little treats and watching youtube videos. Sometimes those things are self-care, but sometimes they’re also avoidant behaviors.
Sometimes self care is waking up and just. Fucking getting in the car. And driving to the bank. And the store. And buying the cat litter. And changing the cat boxes you’ve been avoiding because your brains been stuck in a hole. And picking up the trash you’ve been piling up. And getting a load into the wash. And mowing the lawn before the village council sends you a formal complaint and potential-fines warning.
Like its hard and annoying to do because it sucks. It sucks so much. But if I don’t start working on this pile of bullshit I’ve let build up because it stinks and i was stuck in deer-in-headlights mode, I risk letting it turn into fuckery. I do not have the patience for fuckery that I once - foolishly! - thought I had.
when 23 year olds say “im getting old” cause they get excited by mundane things…for the love of. we used to get excited by BOXES as toddlers. maybe we’re just reverting to our childlike joy did u ever think about THAT.
I was having just this thought the other day, and it was kind of beautiful. The idea that coming into adulthood some of early childhood wonder is reclaimed - how often do we hear of that? But this is a true and common instance of it. Loving the ordinary is wonderful, and can coexist with loving the extraordinary.
Next time you feel yourself loosing control, look around and find things that make you feel cozy. Make a mental list of everything you like. Your favorite blanket in the corner. A girl in a pretty sweater. A flower shop. Someone eating yummie food. Once you have that down, start bringing little comfort items with you. A piece of candy you can put on your tongue to concentrate on. A small stim toy. A little figurine. Your favorite song. Show yourself: I can create coziness. I can summon my safe space wherever I am. I am in control.
MAKE A VISION BOARD WALLPAPER. Create one that aligns with your goals and dream self, so that every time you pick your phone up, you’re reminded of your goals and future vision. Also, great for manifesting!
KNOW YOUR APP’S PURPOSE. For me, tumblr is a way I share advice and learn, YouTube I also learn from others, pinterest I get inspired, netflix is a way for me to unwind etc. If for any app, you cannot name a proper purpose/intent to use it daily or to help with your goals, delete it.
DECIDE WHICH TYPES OF APPS YOU WANT. If you have a new phone, or you want to completely reset your phone, write or type, the apps, that you want and those you don’t.
E.g I want to learn a language, practice mindfulness on the go, get some mental gratification that isn’t addicting, organise my life better and have a way to track my progress. I don’t want apps that support doom-scrolling, make me compare myself and are addictive.
BE MINDFUL OF WHAT YOU SIGN UP TO. Newsletters, social media, subscribing to YouTubers and so on, just think about your goals and vision and if they align with them, every time you think about signing up/subscribing.
HAVE NO PHONE TIME/ZONES. For me, my phone is not allowed to be used in bed. If I must use my phone, I have to get out of bed first. My phone is also not allowed during study time, so I put it in a separate room which makes it inconvenient.
REGULARLY DO A DIGITAL DECLUTTER. Delete any old contacts that you don’t talk to, unsubscribe from newsletters and YouTube channels, organise your socials etc. Removes space and helps us to see our phones with more clarity.
SET PURPOSEFUL WIDGETS. These can be anything, motivational quotes, your daily to-do list, reminders of your habits and so on. However, make sure you’re looking at them and they’re not just taking up space.
